My daringdarlingspouse Martha and I are about to go do some shopping. NOT at a mall.
We’ve got one specific thing to buy and it’s sold in plenty of places. Nobody ever wrestled to the death over the last box of washing detergent.
Martha has just walked past the computer table en route to taking the dogs out one more time before we go off on the day’s adventure and she has now earned the title “hollyjollyspouse.” She is wearing a purplish sweatshirtish top (you can tell I was never a fashion writer). And she is wearing a necklace of miniature Christmas lights.
I feel underdressed in a blue shirt whose only adornment is a place where I once dropped an extra-oily tortellini. If you squint, however, you can almost make out the shape of a dachshund wearing a set of deer antlers and that is festive enough for me today.
If we have spaghetti at lunch, maybe it’ll look like a dachshund in antlers standing under a Christmas tree with lots of garlands.
If we don’t make it back from the Wilds of Yuletide Commerce, please remember these key things: Be kind to animals. Be kind to some humans -- have the rest of them arrested, if possible. I have a list of “People Who Ought To Be Locked Up” if your list isn’t long enough.
