Whoa, April 1 -- the day I traditionally lay low. Usually I'm only paranoid on Fat Tuesday, wrote the hefty typist.
For all you people who work with fools on more days than this one, you have my sympathy. Believe me, I know how you feel.
I used to write fake memos at the office until, one day, I became depressed because I realized how closely the real memos were evolving to resemble my gags. No more office hijinx for me. Besides, I don't even have an office anymore -- but I'm almost certain my memos had nothing to do with that.
PROGRAMMING: That PAX TV network sure understands the doctrine of equal time: Last night it showed the Purina /Dog Chow Incredible Dog Challenge and tonight it's showing America's Most Talented Kids. I'll bet not one of those kids can go through the weave poles as slick as a Jack Russell.
POLICIES: Remember the days when you bought insurance from "Good Hands" and "The Rock" -- now you buy from a duck and a gecko.
DOG NEEDS A HOME: In May of 2002, Stephanie Timko found a puppy on the side of the road. The little guy was suffering from illness and, obviously, neglect, so, she and her husband took him in and named him Andee. Now he's about 50 pounds and needing a new home.
Stephanie and her husband, both ministerial students, have sold their home and are moving to a small apartment -- the move must be completed by May 7. "I've had, literally, close to 25 people trying to find a home for this dog. We've been close to placing him two or three times but with no luck. I've fostered dogs for years and never had this much difficulty finding an owner," Stephanie says. "He had a rough start in life and deserves to have a home where he is very loved and wanted." (To apply to adopt Andee, call 214-547-7135 from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. weekdays and 972-989-2357 the rest of the time.)
Andee's an Australian cattle dog mix. And he has a personality. Also, "when it's time for bed, he always grabs his favorite stuffed animal and carries it to his cage to sleep with," says Stephanie. "Then in the morning he takes the stuffed animal with him into the kitchen. So cute!" If his water or food bowl is empty, Stephanie says he whines. "Not annoyingly or continuously but you can tell that he's trying to 'tell' you something. ..He's very polite about it."
DOG SHOW: Well, that's stretching it, but this show does have a dog in it. I'm talking about Annie, the musical. Amy Thurmond reports that three shows left at the Kaufman County Community Theater -- 8 p.m. tonight and Saturday and 2 p.m. Sunday. (Tickets are $12 for adults, $10 for students and seniors and $5 for kids under 12. Group rates for 10 or more. Call 972-563-8991 or e-mail [email protected]) You may wish to applaud Sandy the dog with enthusiasm.
ONE MORE THING: My late friend Milt Hartsell, a writer of great talent and a fellow who loved a good story, used to pen a small town newspaper column. On an April 1 many years ago, he announced that before leaving home that day, people should put their telephone receivers into a paper bag because it was the day the phone company planned to blow the dust out of the lines. If you didn't have the bag around your receiver, you'd have dust all over your house, he wrote.
Yep, people believed it. Even called to thank him for the warning. When you talk on your phone today, think a good thought about Milt and don't worry about that dust in your ears.
