The Miss America Pageant is looking for a TV home after ABC dumped it because of low ratings -- that's what I read on my AOL news site. Heck, even dog shows have TV contracts.
I wonder if the USA Network, home of the Westminster Show... nah, that would just be too convenient for joke writers.
So, ABC, congratulations on your smooth move. ABC is ending Monday Night Football after the 2005 season and has just one hot show -- Desperate Housewives. This fall ABC will offer viewers a revamped version of Kolchak: the Night Stalker, the old Darren McGavin scifi series. Yeah, things are looking up.
A beauty pageant could only help ABC. But, noooo, here in a time when we should be pulling together to support everything that’s as American as apple pie, ABC dumps Miss America.
OK, I’m volunteering right now to host the pageant if someone at Dallas Cable will free up a channel. I have a co-host in mind who is preparing two vocals and a tap number. I’ll do card tricks and twirl a baton -- I have a sequined outfit that would be racily appropriate.
Good grief. No Miss America Pageant on TV? Have the terrorists won?
DOG NEEDS HOME: That's hardly stop-the-presses type news, but maybe someone has some extra room in their home and heart for this baby. The Southeast Dallas Humane Society, says Wendy Miller, is looking for a foster home for "Black Pup." The word is "she is still young -- about four months old -- her adult teeth have not started coming in yet. She is very shy and docile." She's undergoing the usual vet routine. (E-mail [email protected] to help this pup. Visit www.sedhs.org.)
This gives me the opportunity to preach the Gospel of Big Ol' Dawgs. Verily, I say to ye, these big dogs have big hearts and, while they may not have the raging cuteness of a tiny poodle or a puppy, they have grace, style, elan and the capacity to be wonderful friends. Two of our big ol' dawgs -- both foundlings -- are asleep on the couch right now. They exude affection with manners. (In the photo at the top of the right-hand column on this site, you can see Hambone watching TV in his big, green chair -- formerly my big green chair. He's a joy to know.)
These big ol' dawgs often sit going stir-crazy in shelters while people walk past on the search for the mythical perfect puppy. Yes, people sometimes pass up the perfect dog to take a chance on a myth. Give these big ol' dawgs a chance -- your life will be richer.
SECRET PHOTO:
COMING SATURDAY: Here's a price break for folks and their friends. The SPCA of Texas and Seed of Hope Community Outreach are teaming for a low-cost dog and cat vaccination clinic Saturday. It's from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. at First Christian Church, 9100 Diceman St. in Dallas.
The rabies/annuals shots will cost $17. Micro-chipping is available for $20 and there'll be a 10 percent discount on Heartgard heartworm and Frontline flea preventatives. On-site heartworm tests are $22.
This is being held in conjunction with a health fair for adults and kids -- that'll include free medical, dental, cataract and cholesterol exams, blood sugar and blood pressure tests, and a job fair.
As per usual, dogs must be on leashes, cats must be in carriers. Having been a parent, I'm going to suggest leashes and carriers for some children, too.
WATER OR BEER?: This is why I'm not an entertainment editor. I am not certain which is the bigger story: Tom Cruise getting squirted in the face by a water gun or Leonardo DiCaprio getting 12 stitches on the melon after a woman brains him with a beer bottle at a Hollywood party.
