The Winter Olympics have come and gone and my shushingspouse Martha and I have nothing to be ashamed of -- we weren't expected to medal in any of the events.
I don't know why the curling people insist on calling that big rock a "stone" when it clearly should be referred to as the "napping cat." It has the same gentle demeanor and physical shape of a cat curled up to sleep. "Ah, yes, he's curled the napping cat right toward the target! It's on it's way! It's on its way! PURRFECTLY THROWN!" Makes curling more colorful, don't you think? (Note the slide-o-dynamic form of the sleeping tuxedo cat, Poirot, with one white whisker sticking up like a curbfeeler on a '55 Buick Roadmaster.)
And that guy who was announcing the curling -- Oh, wait, there were two guys and they never said their names, so who knows who they were? -- anyway, this one guy had the pace and clipped accent of a 1960s Great Lakes-area folksinger about to announce that "next up for you fine folks we're gonna do a little number on the banjo about farmin' and heroic chickens."
Oh, for crying out loud, who knows how they keep score in curling? Only the curlers and the announcers. Did Vegas even post odds?
The other thing is, I'm really jealous of Apolo Anton Ohno -- he's got the perfect mid-chin whiskers and I don't because a childhood bicycle accident on a gravel road raked the follicles right off my chubby chin.
One more thing, the 2010 Winter Olympics will be in Vancouver, B.C., so, Martha and I, anticipating earning spots on the American team, have enrolled in a high-intensity language course -- we're both going to be fluent in Canadian by 2010.
Well, having greeted you Monday readers with an Olympic whine, let's move on.
A SET OF OLYMPIC EARS: This fellow is a former street dog named Zipper. Can you imagine someone letting a dog with a set of ears like that wind upon the streets of Dallas?
Teresa Elliot found the lad and has been caring for him a few months, reports reliable tipster and dog assessment guru Cary Birdwell.
Teresa needs to find a home for the 5-month-old dog -- he was about 10 weeks old when she saved him. She says he's crate trained, potty trained, uses the doggie door and picks up 102 channels on those omni-directional satellite dish ears....I'm kidding about that last part.
Zipper needs some help with his manners around other dogs, but he's a sweetheart with people, Teresa says. "During his weekly obedience class he is great. The instructor is surprised we are having problems with him. I'm willing to do just about anything to give him a chance. I would drive him anywhere if it were the right situation. All shots are up to date and he is neutered." She says she has "hopes that someone will fall in love with him as I have." (To ask about Zipper, call 817-481-5945 or e-mail [email protected].
HERE'S ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY WITH PRINCESS: This pup is Princess and she's had an interesting couple of months. She vanished from her rescuer's home, then two months later, turned up back on the porch. She's got some road wear on her footpads, but other than that she's in pretty good shape. (We got this also courtesy of the aforementioned Mr. Birdwell.)
According to Jennifer Lee, Princess' caregiver, the 50-pound pup "loves to give kisses, to get her bum scratched and to make the cutest pittie face when she coos at you out of joy. Words cannot do her justice." (The numbers are 972-910-9088 or 972-741-8033 or e-mail [email protected]. )
No need to adjust your computer, this dog has one blue eye and one brown eye. She also knows commands such as sit, stay, come. So, there you have it: an obedient dog with a sensational set of eyes.
THE CHUYEST OF FACES: Yes, astonishingly, this 7-month-old Aussie mix, Chuy, is having a dickens of a time finding a home, according to Sydney Bush of the Friends of the Animals, the pro-spay/neuter/happy critter rescue group at Cedar Creek Lake.
Chuy, "45 pounds of love ... thinks he's a lap dog and will crawl up into your lap if you let him." To see about adopting Chuy, call 903-451-4701 or e-mail [email protected].
He's house-trained and coping with basic obedience commands. And, of course, once again we must point out that his foster mom says "his long silky hair does not shed."
I know, fellows, I know -- if Texas A&M is going to clone something, clone this dog's follicles and implant them in your scalp.
OH, MY, PUPPIES AND MORE PUPPIES: Gaily Whelan of the Companion Animal Network, sent out requests for help over the weekend. And there are quite a few puppies in this crowd. I'm going to post the photographs and just skim over the stories. As you know, the tales are usually the same: Puppies are abandoned, spotted by do-gooders, rescued and hustled into the system where they're cuddled and loved until they find a home.
What we have here is Heidi, the cute lass with the semi-alert ears, who had a bunch of pups -- and they all sort of look like this black one with the floppy ears.
The kids photographed together -- Collin, Chase and Clint -- comprise the litter spotted by Gary Johnson and the folks at Chase Bank near the World Trade Center in Dallas. CAN got them and now they're waiting for homes.
To help, e-mail [email protected]. Isn't that bearded collie a beauty?
If you want to foster, you'll need to take two at a time so they won't be lonesome and whine all night long -- that's CAN's theory of fostering puppies after years and years of experience. He's about 8 months old and needs a place to live. The little black possible "Westie mix or wire-haired Doxie of some kind" weighs about 12-15 pounds and needs a home, too.
Hard to believe, isn't it, that in a town that proclaims itself to be so darned big-hearted, these little dogs and thousands of others wind up homeless each year. Big D, my, oh, yes.
TWO GREAT REPORTERS: Over the weekend, the Big Director sent for two actors who'd made their marks on America, Don Knotts and Darren McGavin.
Baby Boomers may not be able to remember a time when they didn't see one of those guys on TV. You can Google their careers -- Mr. Knotts is forever Mayberry's Barney Fife and Mr. McGavin is the ideal Mike Hammer and the father in A Christmas Story. But this is a tribute to two OTHER great roles they played.
Mr. Knotts was the jittery newspaper reporter Luther Heggs in the 1966 classic The Ghost and Mr. Chicken.
Mr. McGavin played the determined but always undermined wire service reporter Karl Kolchak in the spooky TV movie/series The Night Stalker -- it began as a TV movie in 1972 and showed up in sequels and in a series through 1975.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Don't confuse the original with that lamentable Kolchak ABC spewed out last season. What a trial that was. Nope, embrace the original. It had verve and villains, not just attitude and bad lighting.
Back to our point at hand: Luther Heggs and Carl Kolchak have something important in common.
Their characters are fiction, but they are both based on the reality of what reporting is supposed to be: Tell the people the truth. Yes, that's the goal.
And, it's nice to get a laugh every now and then. Thank you, Mr. Knotts and Mr. McGavin. I'll bet you were greeted with thunderous applause at the Pearly Gates. Our earthly screens have lost a little glow.
