Royal wedding, assorted animal challenges and contemplations...

Here in The Colonies we’re so excited about this wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Those kids! Got your scones ready for the neighborhood association’s pre-dawn tea?
After all the wars and natural disasters and economic challenges and the deep horror of the possible loss of the 2011 NFL season, we need a good wedding to break up the misery.
The Royal Kids will be launching the “Marriage of the Century So Far” on the same day the final Space Shuttle mission launches. The wedding coverage starts at 3 a.m. Texas time on assorted channels and computer outlets. Not sure the shuttle will get any live coverage.
I do wonder if these kids will be living in a garage apartment behind Buckingham Palace until they can get on their financial feet.
Your dependable news site Readlarrypowell.com will be a presence in Old Blighty for wedding coverage if all goes right with our transatlantic crossing. We got a better deal on travel to England than on travel to Florida – must have something to do with domestic oil.
At any rate, for the wedding we’ve acquired one set of press credentials and one set of clergy credentials. I don’t fly, so I’m depending on the H.M.S. Bligh to get me to London – the nice captain promised a swift trip. (Aside: I wasn’t allowed to mention this until now, but I’ve been filing my daily reports for two weeks from shipboard – we’ve had exceptional WiFi Bligh service the entire way. Inky is flying -- he had some frequent flyer deal.)
Still, I suspect that you are asking, “How did those bounders get clergy credentials”
Perhaps you have by now noticed the sepia-toned photograph of the formally attired dog. It is a family heirloom. At first glance you might think that is Inky, the Cocker Laureate of the State of Texas. It is not. That is Inky’s Great Uncle Ebon, an English Cocker Spaniel whose coat is said to be as inkily black as any dog’s in the British Empire.
You may recall Uncle Ebon from the wedding of Diana and Charles. He was the flower spaniel – the frustrated palace dog assigned to herd that twitty, unfocused flower girl down the aisle. He nearly had a nervous breakdown – forbidden to bark directions in the cathedral. A Cocker who cannot bark is an emotional volcano. [Aside: When Charles married Camilla in 2005, Uncle Ebon was assigned to monitor the behavior of two old friends of the prince known only by their MI-5 code names “Bubble” and “Squeak.” He posed for only one wedding photo and appears to be distracted by a palace squirrel in a nearby tree.]
All these years later, Buckingham Palace’s treasured Uncle Ebon is the mature and orderly dog who keeps the Queen’s Corgis in line through constant behavioral seminars and occasional prescriptions from the royal apothecary.
And, of course, Uncle Ebon is known more formally throughout the kingdom by the title he received in gratitude for comforting the Queen and the Royal Family in so many crises.
 Uncle Ebon is now the Archbishop of Cockerbury.
That second photo, of course, is Inky, the Readlarrypowell.com staff impersonator, giving us his impression of one of the Royal Beefeaters rushing into the church reception hall after the wedding and spotting a big steaming platter of Mum’s Royal Meatloaf with a side order of Regal-eye Gravy.
Had Inky’s birth certificate shown that he’d been born on any bit of British soil, he would inherit Uncle Ebon’s title. As it is, Inky is being described in palace press releases as “His Royal Guestness, the English Cocker from Texas.”
Word of Inky’s gift to the royal couple was leaked earlier today by the Fleet Street tabloids.
With the Queen’s enthusiastic approval, Inky will provide the youngsters with his services as an American Realtor. He explained to the Queen that while England lost The Colonies in the 1700s, there is every chance that within the next couple of years, Great Britain may buy back the property from China at a cost of pences on the shilling.
REMINDER: The Dallas Animal Shelter Commission meets at 1:30 p.m. today in Room 6ES at Dallas City Hall. Items on the agenda include a report on the search for a new director for Dallas Animal Services.
In the meantime, yesterday, Animal Control Officer Mark Cooper issued a plea to rescue groups to come to the shelter and help relieve the crowding by taking out animals. He wrote, “We are full of small and cute pups and large and playful adult dogs. Don’t even get me started on the litters of kittens that are coming in by the dozens. I realize that everyone is full, but if everyone of you can find room to save even one dog you will be making a huge difference.
“I have several dogs with small health issues that I’m desperately trying to get rescued. Some having broken bones other having Heartworms, some having eye issues.
“But then we have rows and rows of beautiful dogs that have great temperaments, and love to share. Today [Wednesday] has been a sad day because we have had to euthanize several perfectly adoptable dogs simply because we are full.”
When the Dallas Animal Services Shelter is full that doesn’t mean 15 or 20 animals – it means hundreds. HUNDREDS.
Each animal is at peril. You can see them at www.dallasanimalservices.org. You don’t have to be a rescue group to get a dog or cat out of the shelter These animals are available for adoption. Yes, there’s an adoption fee, but each adoption potentially saves two lives: the adopted animal and the next animal who occupies the cage – that one will live a little longer because, maybe, the pressure isn’t so great.
That cat is Bean, one of the adoptables. And if you wanted a matching set of black-and-white pals, that dog is Tamika the Terrier.
SEAGOVILLE’S PUBLICITY: We’ve been writing for quite a while about the efforts of Seagoville Police Sgt. Karl Bailey and assorted volunteers to turn the Seagoville Animal Shelter into a no-kill facility. TV has noticed this effort now. You can see the Channel 8 story by clicking HERE. And there’s also a print story at wfaa.com.
THE LAB, THE PUPPIES AND THE TORNADO: Stephanie Mosby of C.L.A.W. (Citizens’ League For Animal Welfare) in East Texas had a busy day yesterday. The short story is the momma Chocolate Lab and her nine puppies (see yesterday’s report) have been placed with 4 Paws and Hooves Rescue in Springtown. They’ll be transported on Sunday. (The rescue group may need some additional help with donations and foster homes. E-mail [email protected] to volunteer.)
Stephanie wrote, “I cannot thank this awesome rescue community enough! Everyone who offered some kind of help, advice, crossposted, provided me new avenues to try, etc --- ALL of THAT is what saved this mother's life and ... her precious little ones! And I cannot thank everyone enough!  The best of humanity can be found within animal rescue!”
And there was one more task yesterday. Stephanie writes, “One of our foster moms was badly injured in a tornado [Tuesday night] so we've been busy getting both her fosters taken in and set up in another foster home.”
Thelma Barker, 76, lost her mobile home in the storm and is in a Tyler hospital being treated for several injuries. Stephanie says, “She was with her personal dog and cat at the time. She had put the little dog in its crate and held on for dear life!  If you see the news footage, you'll notice the crate sitting beside her as the EMT's are tending to her. She held onto that crate through the whole thing, and the little dog is fine. Her cat was found later, also OK. Thelma's back is broken in 3 places; she also has a broken wrist and numerous cuts, scrapes and bruises. Please keep her in your prayers.”
WAITNG FOR HOMES: We started out discussing “The Colonies” this morning, and now we’re moving to a discussion of The Colony. Yep, The Colony’s Animal Shelter has a bunch of “little ones” who are “ready for homes – and they need to find them sooner than later,” says The Colony’s Animal Control Division Manager Patricia Barrington.
There are a bunch of puppies at the shelter.
Some of the puppies are black and a couple are brown. “These guys are Lab Pit Bull Terrier mixes and have been handled and loved every day since they were born here at the shelter.  Super sweet, needy little babies, each equipped with a limited supply of puppy breath!” Manager Barrington writes.
“Captain Morgan, Captain Hook, Captain Jack, Captain Kirk, Captain Kangaroo, Princess Leia, Princess Jasmine, Princess Giselle and Princess Fiona are about 4 weeks old and have started eating wet puppy food with formula supplement. These babies will ease away the stress of the day, guaranteed! Just walk into your house after a grueling day at the office, knock that backpack off your ottoman, fish the remote out of the chair cushion, put your feet up and snuggle one of these sweetie pies between your neck and chin and feel the days worries and cares fade to the point that you don’t mind walking around that pile of laundry for a couple of more days or eating take out again -- all because you save the life of a puppy!”
I think Animal Control Division Manager Barrington, who runs a household with a couple of active young daughters, might be confessing to being a grateful participant “Puppy Anti-Stress & Decompression Therapy.”
And, yes, those pups were posed inside the special suitcase that The Colony frequently uses as a backdrop for photographing adoptables.
You can ask about adopting these little pups by e-mailing [email protected] or calling 972-370-9250.
SPEAKING OF PUPPIES: Our Burns Flat, Okla., rescue tipster Terry Lynn Fisher continues to fight for puppy lives at the little shelter in the western portion of Oklahoma. She says more puppies have come in than the shelter can handle. To offer to help her rescue the dogs, e-mail [email protected] or call 580-330-1459.
CONTEMPLATIONS: When it comes to the presidential birth certificate you’ve got to figure that the problem for some people isn’t where the president was born, it’s with where he lives. But that’s politics. ... A year with no NFL football? How many advertising copywriters and actors would that put out of work? How many ad studios would go out of business? ... I hope nobody thinks that the opening segment of today’s report is anything except fiction. I feel like I have to include this disclaimer – after all, there are people who’ll buy anything as long as it's in print.
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