Satellite nominees...and, of course, a couple of sleeping critters not concerned with falling objects...

Until some jerk hacked my e-mail this morning and sent out lord-knows-what to a zillion people, I didn’t really have a good nominee for our blowing-off-steam exercise called “Who deserves to be struck by a falling satellite.”
Now, however, I do have a nominee. And if a satellite doesn’t fall on the guy, then how about a Buick? Or a building? (Yes, that is our Civil Defense Satellite Particle Drill Leader Inky, in his government-issue helmet with the official red chin strap and a general's star. While he's been on duty, no American has been struck by a piece of falling satellite. But he is prepared to stand out of the way should a chunk of falling hot metal draw a bead on a deserving personality.)
OK, now, I’ve assembled some of the responses and, of course, the name “Michael Vick” came up – expected, since we’re basically an animal-friendly website.
Oh, yeah, the satellite isn’t falling as soon as the experts thought. But, eventually, what goes up...well, you know. Where it comes down, that’s what we were having fun with.
(FYI: That dog and cat are our official slumberers for this weekend’s Let Sleeping Dogs Lie & Napping Cats Nap. Usually Annie the Dog, a testy heeler mix, is happily curled up inside her hallway den – but this time when she walked around the corner to get into her den someone had pulled her comforter out and Griffin the Cat was already sawin’ logs.  Annie sort of sighed and just settled onto the floor.This is called “Canine/Feline Inequitable Displacement Syndrome.” Neither has evidenced any concern about the falling satellite. Now, as members of the animal kingdom sleep peacefully, except for vigilant Inky, of course, we’ll review our nominations for “People Who Should Be Struck By A Falling Satellite.”)
Some nominations:
--Maeleska Fletes, the veteran rescuer, filed a two-word nomination in capital letters with exclamation points: “MICHAEL VICK!!!!!!"
--Della Wallace sent in a late-night nomination note. "I hope you are still taking names for the dropping satel;ite. Now that I have bought a new computer and got it up and running after the jackass that highjacked your email address crashed my old one, I would like to nominate: #1 Michael Vick; #2 the creep whose name escapes me that left the helpless cat in the wall to die. (I will be attending his trial); #3 the jerk who has a pitbull chained up in Hilltown subdivision is Little Elm; #4 who's name is not worth remembering, the **&#$ who murdered Mercy. Oh, and (#5)  the jerk who hijacked your email, Larry."
--Pat Nethery, one of our animal-fan Readers from Kerrville, also summed up her nomination in two words: “Michael Vick.”
--In the interest of not earning money for any attorneys other than my own right now, I’ll note that Paul Breitzman nominated an east side of the metrosprawl suburban animal shelter manager and wrote, “At the glacial rate she is grudgingly allowing minor changes, it would likely be a faster way to bring relief for the animals if the satellite hit her and allowed reincarnation to possibly work.”
--Michelle Ferrer suggested the same manager. “Got an emergency call today from a rescue. They are trying to tag and pull from the shelter and can’t get their phone calls returned and can’t get a response to their e-mails.  No wonder the kill rate ... is so high.”
 --Edna Taylor in Houston nominated, “The cruel SOB who left that dog on the porch :(and caused his death -- he/she is on the TOP of my list of people who need to be hit by the satellite.” And, Edna filed an addendum, “Michael Vick, of course. Idiot in the white House and, well, all of Congress, too.”
--Our pal Roxanne “Rocky” Wingo of Phoenix, needs the satellite to break into many pieces – yep, she’s got several nominations. “Since I'm certain your audience has already taken care of the obvious nominees, such as Michael Vick and the masses of morons who dump their pets because they are moving/don't have the time the pet deserves/lost their job/etc./etc. - I'll nominate another mass of people (many of whom might be the same as the first mass):  the thousands of deadbeat parents (mostly dads) who do not properly support the children they have brought into the world.  There are millions of children in this country who are hungry or don't have shelter/clothing/school supplies and, generally, love, that they need to thrive, largely because their ‘parents’ have not stepped up to the plate and accepted responsibility for the children.  Hmmmm....that does sound more & more like the first group, doesn't it?! Do you think there are enough pieces of flaming falling shrapnel?!”
Sarah Hays wrote, "Jerry Jones, Eric Cantor, John Boehner, Tyrone McGill. Not necessisarily in that order. Michael Vick is a given."
Jacque Hagerty of Austin wrote, “Michael Vick – that guy has been getting all over my nerves lately for some reason. He’s such a *$@k (rhymes with Vick). He should be the first person in line. Also on the list, my neighbor who has 3 intact male dogs tied to 3 different trees in his yard. Animal control won’t do anything about it. Sucks.”
My pal Jean Maza, who has a keen sense of justice, offered several targets for the satellite.
She nominated “Casey Anthony. And Lilo. SICKUVEM! Maybe you could get the plummeting satellite to nick Nancy Grace a little, too....
“ "All reality TV personnel. Patrick Cox, founder of TaxMasters, and whoever 'coaches' him for his commercials and/or oversees his wardrobe and tonsorial practices. EEEEEEEGads!
Pat Wright wrote, ““Who should it land on?  Lord, please send a piece to the head of ALL breeders-backyard, licensed, pedigreed, and those too stupid to stop it in their homes.  Please save a lot for all who would mistreat, abandon, neglect, or dump their ‘pets.’
“Save some for D.C.-- Cantor, Boehner,  all those who put the rich before the poor and cause so many to lose jobs, homes, and their pets”
Then Pat adds, “Maybe we need a few more falling objects for stupid heads?”
One of my favorite phrases: “Stupid heads.”
It’s sort of the polite partner of “dumb....” well, you know.
I’m going to invoke personal privilege and suggested that the following people deserve to be struck by a falling satellite: the guy who invented usurious mortgage banking, the inventor of plastic packaging that no mortal can conquer, the person who in oil companies who decides to raise gasoline prices and, of course, the people in corporations who decide who gets downsized. That’s a start on re-shaping the world to a more pleasant environment.
Now, as we close this and as you think of other people who deserve to be struck by a falling satellite (we’re still taking nominations at [email protected] ) remember that we probably all ought to wear an anti-satellite protective helmet now and then. Just as everybody’s somebody’s sweetheart (as sung by the great Connie Francis back in the ‘60s), at some point everybody is also somebody’s stupid head.
(Should you survive the falling satellite, you may wish to nominate your slumbering critter for the spotlight in the Readlarrypowell.com weekly, world-wide-read feature, Let Sleeping Dogs Lie & Napping Cats Nap. Send photo and info to [email protected] . And, remember, in space no one can hear you scream, "Heads up! The satellite is falling!")
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