JUST HOW EASY IS IT TO SLEEP IF YOU HAVE BAGGAGE?

How long does it take you to go to sleep? And once you are asleep, how long does it take you to stay asleep?
We have one of those beds to tracks your sleeping and reports it to your cell phone.  The report uses such terms as "restful" and "restless" and includes notes that could easily read, “Sir, perhaps you’d be more comfortable on a distant planet with a lower gravity.”
What inspired this topic was a 4:25 a.m. bark-up call from as normally out-like-a-light all night big ol dog named Dudley the Angel. He was convinced someone was on the front porch.
Yes, the “I can sleep anywhere” dog flopped over and immediately went back to sleep, thereby qualifying for this edition of Let Sleeping Dogs Lie & Napping Cats Nap. 
I said to Dudley as a I staggered down the hall and into the living room, “What’s up, Dudster?” and he replied, “I’m trying to sleep here.” He succeeded. He left the floor and went back to his custom bed next to Martha's side of the computer sleeper, er, bed.
I thought it would be appropriate to ask my longtime canine confidant, the noted slumber expert Porche Noel, how to segue from lounging to being a snoring, drooling mammalian example of a deep sleeper.
“First,” the smart, bespectacled dog said, “You have too much baggage to get a good night’s sleep. You poor suffering human. Can’t you ignore things and just sleep?”  Easy for a guilt-free dog to say.

She continued, “Comfort is key. But you’re too big to fit onto my dog bed. Have you considered trying the Chihuahua Desert Diet?”

“What’s the Chihuahua Desert Diet?” I asked innocently.”Is it something like that Mediterranean Diet?”
And Porche replied, “Vegetables-smedgetables. Do you simply REFUSE to read the medical journals I earmark and leave on your desk?” 
She was exasperated. Then she explained: “Here’s the deal with the Chihuahua Desert Diet: It’s Texas-based. But the key is the sand. Whenever you begin to grab something that is loaded with calories, you grab a bucket of Chihuahua Desert Sand and liberally sprinkle it squarely on the food you’re craving. That’ll put you right off of that snack.”
[LARRY ASIDE: By the way, if anybody thinks there is a Chihuahua Desert Diet with sand, you are the people who keep me awake nights.]
In our con- versa- tion, Porche handed me two photos. The first shows her at her most relaxed, casually sprawled on a fluffy comforter on her couch in the living room. “I like this photo,” she said, “because it shows me as I really am —- a magazine model without an agent, but with a certain bold attitude that demonstrates why I get 800 cable channels and never have to pay a dime.”
She also included this “Happy Picture” of her she is gently snoring while smiling on her Office Dog Bed in the home office of readlarrypowell.com. That is next to the “Action Desk” and is regarded as the “Inaction Bed.”

The only dog who has had a sleeping challenge in our house lately is Wendy who’s been wearing one of those plastic lampshade collars for more than week — it’s keeping her from chewing the stiches out of a spot on her left front leg where she had a odd floppy growth removed. At some point Saturday morning, Wendy’s personal veterinarian will be removing those stiches and she’ll be romping again without that plastic collar.
We’ll quote a 1972 song by the great Rod Steward. Wendy, “You wear it well….” and we’re ready for you to romp without banging it into the walls, our knees, the chairs, the doors.
You wear it well, a little bit noisy but that’s just fine. You wear it well, it’s gonna come off and ain’t that swell. …
[LARRY REMINDER: Dear Readers, we’re quite happy to spotlight your slumbering dogs, cats and other beasties who might be able to nod off in this world. Send photos and info to [email protected] and we’ll spotlight ‘em in our weekend feature Let Sleeping Dogs Lie & Napping Cats Nap. You’ll be helping people decide to open their homes and hearts to animals. And you’ll be helping other insomniacs get some sleep. I’m contemplating the Chihuahua Desert Diet. Insomniacs will try neary anything except sand on a saucer -- and I'm not sure I wouldn't try that. Rather have flan, of course! Anybody know if there's "diet flan"?]

—- Offer ideas by clicking on ‘comment’ below or email [email protected] and put “Sand is not True Grit” in the subject line. —-